My iPhone Is My Emotional Support Animal

And I think that’s okay?

No one should be controlling, but everyone needs a sense of control.

When I feel a distinct lack of control, when anxiety rises up in my throat, there’s my trusted iPhone in my pocket, on the table, beside my bed, never too far away to grab at a moment’s notice.

With it, I can regain control. I can scroll Twitter, write a tweet, post a picture, read an e-book, read on Medium, write a Medium post, or play Star Trek Fleet Command, where I captain powerful space vessels in galactic combat.

My iPhone is my emotional support animal.

I spend way too much time using my iPhone, both when I feel adrift among forces I can’t control and the rest of the time when I feel just fine. I work, read, and play on it throughout the day, during and between working on a laptop.

Then I tell my seven-year-old son, “That’s enough screen time,” after half an hour playing on his iPad. Sometimes, I say it with my phone in hand.

I feel guilty, embarrassed even, about my apparent addiction to a smartphone. I never allow Screen Time Reports to enter my consciousness. I close those notifications instantly.

Lately, I’ve caught myself hiding my phone behind my leg or in my pocket so that my son doesn’t know just how much, how often, I’m on the damn thing.

But. Using a pocket-sized supercomputer to insert whatever stimuli I choose into a moment when I want to scream surely serves me and my relationships better than actually screaming.

My son repeats what I say in a mocking, disrespectful voice? I correct him in what I perceive as a firm but polite voice, only to hear from his mom that I should react better?

I bet there’s a funny parenting tweet about this moment, and if not, I’ll write one in a jiffy.

Work sucks? There will be some cute cat photos on Instagram to give me a little break and a boost. Maybe I’ll look for a self-help article on Medium.

Someone dismisses what I’m saying? I’ve got some officers on the deck of the USS Mayflower who follow my every word. Then I’ll write a Medium post and speak my mind.

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