Ode to Diana

A friend for 25 years before we met

I was privileged to have made Diana’s acquaintance when we became pen pals at 8 years old. We wrote for 10 years, and frequently said we were going to visit each other. We had connected over our mutual love of animals, which has always remained strong for both of us.

After my brain injury at age 15, Diana continued to write me — which gave me a point of stability through the first few years of my recovery. She was always responsive when I reached out to her. When we were 18 years old, she had been on her own for a while already. I went to college, where I got too busy to keep up with correspondence, so we lost touch for a good 15 years.

In 2004, I had a bit of extra time in the computer room at the college I was attending. I decided to see if it really is possible to find “anyone in the world” online, so I looked up Diana’s last name and the town in New Zealand that I associated with her. I found ONE listing, with a physical address but no email address, so I wrote a letter to her, sent it off, and crossed my fingers for the next month.

This listing turned out to be Diana’s parents, at the same house they had built while she and I were pen pals. They did get my letter into my friend’s hands. Apparently, my communication gave them an excuse to reconnect with her too, though I may have that part of the story wrong. Anyway, a month later I got a letter from Di and we re-established our friendship.

In my second letter to Di, I included my phone number and email address. On New Year’s Eve (which was New Year's Day for her, since New Zealand is 18 hours ahead of New Mexico) she called me, and I think we talked for over 2 hours. By the time we got off the phone, it was well into New Year's Day for both of us. I decided that 2005 was the year I was going to visit her; by March, I had my plane tickets and a very general schedule arranged. Of course that meant I would have 3 winters in a row, which I thought might be a problem since cold weather doesn’t agree with me, though all three winters were quite mild so it worked out for the best.

I spent 35 days away from home, 32 of which were in Aotearroa. It was about 5:30am when I got off the plane in Auckland. There was only one person in the waiting area, but she didn’t react when I called (probably asleep) so I wandered around the airport for a little while. When I went back and the same person was still there, I approached her. Lo and behold, it was indeed Diana. I was embarrassed, because I really hadn’t meant to make her wait on me, though she wasn’t concerned. Such a generous friend!

Di opened her home to me, shared her cats, dogs, and sheep with me while I was there, made every effort to be sure I was taken care of and saw the country, though she was unable to get the time off work to show me around. While she was no longer breeding bulldogs, she had 5 of them still — complete with professional kennels and plenty of room to run on her property. She took me into Auckland, found a travel agent to help me plan my backpacking trip across the two major islands, which included arranging hostel stays along the way and obtaining a burner phone so we could stay in contact.

Of course I passed through the town where her parents lived, and of course I arranged with her mum and dad to stay with them for a couple of days in that location. When I entered the house it smelled amazing, so I asked, “What’s for dinner?” Diana’s mum said, “Pumpkin stew,” which sounded odd, though it smelled so great that I asked to see it. It looked unusual and not very appetizing, but it smelled wonderful so I decided to taste it before passing final judgment. Her parents each had a bowl of it, maybe two bowls. I had four before I decided to ease off — it tasted even better than it smelled! I asked how it’s made, and decided I could make some when I got home. I also thought green chile would add a New Mexico twist to this amazing dish. Everyone I’ve made it for has loved it, and it’s an excellent way to remember my visit to Di and her amazing country.

Since then, keeping in touch with Diana has been easier due to the Internet — especially due to Facebook. Naturally we both have busy lives and get easily distracted, though we both try to remember each other on birthdays (she was exactly 6 months older than I), Christmas and Easter (which approximately coincide with her birthday and mine, respectively).

The last couple of years have been chaotic throughout the world — much more so for Diana and the people around her! In early April, 2023, Diana’s mum sent me an email on Facebook, saying that she had developed brain cancer, was in hospice and unresponsive. A day or two later, she sent another message that he had passed away on 3 April (which was 4 April for me).

I feel terrible for not being aware of her illness. Her mum mentioned that it took everyone by surprise; if I’m having trouble processing my friend’s death, the rest of her loved ones surely are too. When Diana’s mum was trying to tell me what has happening, I was visiting Las Vegas, Nevada, because a man I never would have met if not for my friendship with Di (he sat next to me on the plane home from New Zealand) was in the US and wouldn’t get closer to my home than that.

I hadn’t gotten on Facebook for almost a week before the trip or almost a week after we returned, so I didn’t get these messages until the day of Di’s memorial service — which was livestreamed due to pandemic restrictions. I was unfortunately not able to watch the service live, though it was lovely, and a fitting send off for my dear friend.

Diana, I will always love you. I regret that I won’t ever be able to share my home with you the way you shared yours with me. I am grateful to everyone who loved you, who helped you be the beautiful person I knew for a quarter century before we exchanged our first hug. Thank you for your friendship, and please rest in peace.

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